Set boundaries
How to build a successful coaching relationship. I told a story about when I took a consulting class, like everyone grew up. We decided to create a WhatsApp group. The mentor said to us, like, “What are the rules of this group?” We were like, “No, we are all adults. It’s going to be OK. Everyone knows how to behave.”
At the end of each session, we had a group therapy. Then, in the fifth group therapy session, she said, “Did you realize that you all spent at least 30 minutes talking about this WhatsApp group, and how everyone feels?” We were like, “Oh, wow.” She was like, “It’s because you don’t set boundaries.”
So it’s very easy because a lot of times when we get into the guidance situation, it’s people we already know, people we already like. So you might just say, “Oh, just go loose goosey. We’re all grown up. We’ll do that.” But it’s really critical, if you get anything from it, it’s the boundaries. You need to set boundaries because if you don’t set boundaries you can’t tell when they are broken.
If you start to build a mentoring relationship and allow someone to always have free access and then walk in the driveway for three months, you’re like, “Oh, I’m not happy with that” and it will break the trust because it will be like the betrayal of the relationship we’ve built. So set your boundaries from the beginning.
The first thing to think about: “How much time is this?” Guidance is not an endless relationship, because if you see it as an endless relationship, it can feel like a burden. So the first thing to do is set the duration, set the time, set the contact information. I just want to email with X, Y, Z from Monday to Friday. I can only respond here. I don’t want to contact via whatsapp. You need to set these boundaries so that the guidance you provide won’t be a burden to you.
Define the results
Next is to define the result. Since coaching is an era, it’s a matter of duration and it won’t last forever, so you need to make sure that the results are defined so that progress can be monitored. If not, how do you know if you have achieved the result if you don’t set the result? So make sure you set goals.
Vulnerable
The next thing to do is vulnerability. Because this is a relationship sometimes, building trust is crucial. What really is what makes us vulnerable because we don’t always want to show all of our parts.
But if you don’t, you can’t build trust because this is the one who comes to you at a very vulnerable stage of their life. Fragility builds trust. We are all looking to connect. So if you give, you get it.
Understand the ethics behind guidance
Finally, it’s a big responsibility, so you need to understand that there is morality behind it.
Conflict of interest, confidentiality is key, because again, you need to build that trust and keep it. In order for others to feel safely close to you, they need to make sure that they need to see you keep the confidence of others.
Power is another large one. You are in a situation of knowledge and someone comes to you during a very vulnerable period in their lives.
Check if the power dynamics are correct. Sometimes, especially in a professional environment, it may be that you are too high for the tutor and you are not casual and enjoy talking about what is happening at work because the person is in an authoritative position to make decisions. So make sure you check it out, oh, I really want to help someone, but my contract says I have no competition and I can’t really guide someone in the same industry.
So make sure you are checking and keeping all of these things, and you are respecting the ethics of this relationship.
I will close Maya Angelou’s words. I really like it. “When you get, give. When you learn, teach.” Thank you.
